Silently Suffering Lyrics

I'm wondering who I've become and how'd I end up here

It's thundering and I can tell the sun is no where near

I stay up all night, anxiety keeps me awake

While I'm just thinking about mistakes I always seem to make

Think I'm addicted to my suffering

I'm so inflicted with this sickness that's corrupted me

I seek forgiveness deep within because I hate myself

It's either sink or swim inside of this internal hell

Fuck

So many scars I try to cover up

Broke so many hearts, relationships I always fuck em' up

Lonely in the dark hoping to God the sun is coming up

Only through my art you'll realize that I'm so fucking numb

These suicidal thoughts are plaguing me with no remorse

Got so much hate in me it's like my heart is tainted and it's torched

Feels like there's no recourse my back is up against the wall

The pain is reinforced with guilt that I cannot absolve

I'm so lost on my own

Everything I ever knew will never be the same

Will I ever see it through or will this never change

I'm forever in pursuit of chasing better days

I'm so lost on my own

Suffering in silence I don't wanna' cry

Wondering if I can find myself deep down inside

Recovering feels so impossible I wanna' die

I'm so lost on my own

Everything I ever knew will never be the same

Will I ever see it through or will this never change

I'm forever in pursuit of chasing better days

I'm so lost on my own

Suffering in silence I don't wanna' cry

Wondering if I can find myself deep down inside

Recovering feels so impossible I wanna' die

Recovering seems so impossible

How can I move forward, I'm my own biggest obstacle

Yeah I know it's probably best I check into a hospital

But I'm scared of being judged for pain that's beyond my control

It's hard to look my family in their eyes

It's hard to smile in their face when I just wanna' die

Please forgive for speaking my truth

I'm sorry for this painful energy that I exude

But I can't hold on, I swear to God I'm losing grip

Promise you it's been so long since I felt that true love exists

How can I be strong when all this hurt continues to persist

If this makes me wrong, fuck being right cause I can't do this shit

Fighting to survive but I been losing all my strength

I been fighting just to die and I'm surviving with no faith

All these thoughts of suicide slowly takes the pain away

My soul has been crucified while my spirits up in flames, fuck

I'm so lost on my own

Everything I ever knew will never be the same

Will I ever see it through or will this never change

I'm forever in pursuit of chasing better days

I'm so lost on my own

Suffering in silence I don't wanna' cry

Wondering if I can find myself deep down inside

Recovering feels so impossible I wanna' die

I'm so lost on my own

Everything I ever knew will never be the same

Will I ever see it through or will this never change

I'm forever in pursuit of chasing better days

I'm so lost on my own

Suffering in silence I don't wanna' cry

Wondering if I can find myself deep down inside

Recovering feels so impossible I wanna' die