424 Lyrics

Truth be told

I been struggling with who I've become

And I ain't been myself in months

And with every day goes by

I been playing hide and seek with these thoughts of suicide

And I feel like I'm trapped in this cycle of repetition

Where god puts the type of trauma on me

Where I'm pushed beyond my limits

But don't get me wrong

I been trying to fix it

See my therapist told me some shit I'm not ready to accept

She said "Pryce, for as long as you're alive

You're going to have to experience death"

See as kids..as kids we couldn't wait to get older

Thinking that shit was going to turn out how we hoping

Optimistically overlooking the fact that

With time death was approaching

And everyday we blindly take steps closer

Closed off to the idea that some losses don't leave room for closure

And what we'd rather

Don't always align with the circumstances that we're faced with

See circumstances, circumstances robbed me of the opportunity

To at least be able to say final goodbyes at hospital visits

Instead I found out a day later

Left with nothing but videos of your house burning down with you still in it

So excuse me if I don't want to hear shit about religion

When god could've saved you but didn't

I don't want to hear about how he gives his hardest battles to his strongest of soldiers

When the weight of this unhealed trauma placed a permanent chip on my shoulder

Don't tell me I'm strong

Because being strong turned out to be more of a burden than a compliment

And what feels like the devil's work

Is what they telling God's plan

So I'm starting to feel like me and God at odds

Because he's handing me shit that keeps me permanently scarred

Forcing me to tap into the type of pain that therapy can't fix

Because it been like five months

And people expecting me to effortlessly tap back into who I once was

And every time I try to speak up

They don't understand where I'm coming from

So I bottle these emotions passed the rim

Now it's spilling

While I slip and fall into this fight with depression

That these people swear that I'm winning

I guess these fake smiles are becoming believable

But they don't know I'm only happy when I'm high

But I'm still trapped in my lows

Dying inside

But I keep telling them I'm fine

Because I know I couldn't make them understand my pain if I tried

I'm tired