John Wayne Typewriter Pillow Lyrics

I think it's been ten years since I might have slept

Typewriter keys keep banging on my head 

I'm writing replies and quippy rejections 

To I miss you texts that you're never going to send 

So here's a boundary that I wish you would disrespect 

Just to pay me any attention 

You always got to make it so complicated

But why I only take shots that I know will miss

I gave you one two three four five six seven eight 

Too many chances

I thought you were the one two three four five six seven eight 

Too many choices

I can tell where she's been by where the splinters at

I leave them because they get me sad when I swipe them up against a tinder match 

Scribble facts about my soulmate on pen and pads 

Then throw that shit away the second that I see some tits and ass

Yeah yeah she was hollow headed 

Still looking at the Mac eleven wondering if I should swallow lead and 

Call the medics

Too late I already got to heaven 

And committed suicide again to drop a level  

Afraid I'll be the devil if I ever trust myself

Think I got to hate me just to love somebody else

Pacing in my boundaries I'm going to decorate them

With polaroids of my self esteem I can't remember taking

I should take a vacation I should learn another language

I should stop all these should have's so I stop being anxious

I should believe in angels like my mother did

Cooking in the kitchen wearing nothing but an oven mitt

Wondering if I'm going to ever fall asleep

Or if I'm already dreaming I'm dreaming

I'm reading letters that I know I shouldn't keep around me

Waiting for the ink to replace my blood and drown me

Now the cursive blurs and the messiness is adequate 

I'm squinting just to try and read this recipe for happiness

I think this one is just a text that says I love you

If you rearrange the letters it says fuck you

Fuck you Queen of the Half and Half Undecided

Only way you'll ever make a mark is if I write it

Only way you ever work is when you run and hiding

Only way to tell you're lying is when your mouth is moving

I can fit all my regrets inside it

Things I'll never say in person 

I'm too nice to love myself or know I'm worth it

That's why I swear your acne is a constellation only I can name

Deaf telescopes that never hear a word you say 

Every breath is an emergency I'll fix for you

Until I memorize the mediocrity of being with you

I breathe a key hole that the world could fit through

Then I crush under the weight of moments that I should have kissed you

It's just twisted up ego and rejection

I think the combination could be used for lethal injections 

It's time to jack off and go to sleep

Once you do you know you won't give a shit about anything

It's all just chemicals swirling in your brain

Maybe you should get some pills to pour it down the drain

Go back to therapy and talk about your mom

Learn why it hurts so bad when someone leaves you all alone

Learn to meditate instead of always thinking

When was the last time you went a day without drinking

I see my reflection there's nothing inside it

All I want to do is quit trying and just sit silent 

Instead I'm typing out soliloquies on pillow cases

That I'm built of dreams you can live in places

In between me checking on my phone every six seconds

To see if you texted to say I'm sorry I just can't do this

I wonder if my ex cheated when she went to barcelona

Or if she would have trusted me with more scars to show her

Maybe there's something that I should have said but didn't

Most of the time I think that we were just two pieces that just never fit in

But forgiveness is my greatest flaw

Sometimes I think that I'd be happier if I could hate you all

Kill a bottle and tell her that she was lousy in bed

Over a thousand texts and misspelled alphabets

Do something I'll regret that makes me more human

I just want to do something stupid

Because if I was worse then she could have related more

I always play the cool guy then I go home

Slow mo replay every moment when she broke my heart

Like when she brought that strange dude home from the bar

I should have knocked him out and told you you're a fucking piece of shit

Driven home alone and never ever talked to you again but

Okay I'm really unraveling now

Focus on your breaths in out in out

It's all good I'm okay because I'm over you

I'm just returning these apologies that I'm still overdue

Waiting patiently until I find a better way

Learning my side is the only side I never take

And I always date girls that love that most about me

Camouflaged sneaking over all my little boundaries

I have to hold a funeral for us to break up

Because I'm pretty sure that they could never ever live without me

But I still hear them crying in mother's grave

I'm going to time travel always searching for someone to save

Or I'm Mr. Death tap dancing on a picket fence

Pulling on my sleeve until it ripped the thread

And I sat naked in a parking lot surrounded by a thousand televisions

Playing every moment in my life when someone leaves me

And I'm reaching for the fingertips of cancer cells I wont survive

Even though I know I'll never die baby

Because I love it when you lie to me

I'm swallowing your shit until these wilted flowers die and bloom inside of me

And fall into the soil that will grow a giant sycamore

I'll hang you from a thousand times until I don't give a shit no more

I'll bleed an ocean of the words I never said to you 

Then I'll drink it all in the hopes that it will mend the wound

A loneliness that I pretend is you

Searching for a home scratching with my fingernails just to stretch the womb

Until my veins collapse like a crescent moon 

Hang myself from your closet rod just to try to set the mood 

Choking trying to balance on the toes of my tennis shoes

I thought that's what you meant when you said I'm dead to you 

Woke up in the hospital as a vegetable

Sipping cold soup through a bendy spoon 

Dictating letters to the nurses that I'll prolly never send to you 

Because I assume that nothing is the only thing I meant to you 

Yeah yeah I guess I'll see you later

Rubbing my heart against a cheese grater 

I want to fall in love I want to fall in love 

I want fall for anything I wan to self destruct 

I want to fall in love I want to fall in love 

I want fall for anything I want to self destruct 

First I need to stop thinking and fall asleep

But it's hard on these typewriter keys

Leave me alone

I mean never leave me

I would tell you but you would never believe me