Gary Shags Crisps Lyrics

I've got a secret

That I hold close to my chest

There's a ready salted monster

Roaming the streets wearing a double breast, and he's

Sniffing for crumbs and seasoning in the cracks on the floor

Small potato circular victims left with herpes and coldsores

There's something I've been meaning to say

But the words won't leave my lips

I wanted to tell you all night

That Gary Lineker is a sex pest

He's a sex pest?

Oh he's a sex pest

And he's on the run tonight so protect your starchy crops

This Maris Piper swiper won't be kind

He'll leave you with the nasty job

Of mopping up and old white substance from your once tasty batch

Lineker prefers the crispier texture even though it tends to scratch

There's something I've been meaning to say

But the words won't leave my lips

I wanted to tell you all night

That Gary Lineker..

There's something I've been meaning to say

But the words won't leave my lips

I wanted to tell you all night

That Gary Lineker shags crisps

He shags crisps

I've been sucking on McCoys looking like Sam Dingle

Gonna stick my cock and balls in a can of Pringles

There's something I've been meaning to say

But the words won't leave my lips

I wanted to tell you all night

That Gary Lineker..

There's something I've been meaning to say

But the words won't leave my lips

I wanted to tell you all night

That Gary Lineker shags crisps