McClane vs. McCallister ft. Cutright Lyrics

Ohh, that's Isaac

'Twas the night before Christmas & all through the land

A heated debate had divided the fans

A mischievous young fellow, and a chap with a badge

But who'd be triumphant if e'er they should clash

Up on the housetop

Click-click-click, no reindeer

That's the sound of my

Blick-blick-blicky, McClane here

And McCallister talkin'

Slick-slick-slick? I'll place fear

In ya heart, finish what Marv & Harry started

Down in the basement

Boom-boom-boom, no furnace

The sounds are made with

Dooo-dooo-dooo, the burner

My brother hangs in his

Room-room-room, makes certain

That John McClane knows he's never to old to be afraid

Nine-millis & battle plans both had been drawn

And the traps were all set by Kevin, for John

As two Christmas legends prepared to engage,

"Welcome to the party, pal" the eldest exclaimed

I'm Roy Rogers

A fly in the ointment, monkey in the wrench

A pain in the backside to bad guys

Especially when in a pinch

And you need prep time, 'lil spoiled kid

I deploy quick

So many rounds off in your chest, Mr. Duncan'll tell you I'm not to toy with

This old man think victory finna come easy

I was on that trap or die way before Young Jeezy

Please, he ain't a threat, he's just a try-hard

Who takes Viagra during shootouts so he can Die Hard

I'll have Mac sleepin' with a Mac

And peeing his mattress, no question

Dethrone Fuller as the family bed wetter

That's called Succession

Or left in pieces like the mannequins in your basement

Separate ya from your family forever

That's a permanent vacation

Them blank shots

Word to Harry, I flame tops

This lame cop get done dirtier than his tank tops

I'll dissect you

Ain't nothing about this guy special

Plus I know you're Home Alone too 'cause your wife left you

Up on the housetop

Click-click-click, no reindeer

That's the sound of my

Blick-blick-blicky, McClane here

And McCallister talkin'

Slick-slick-slick? I'll place fear

In ya heart, finish what Marv & Harry started

Down in the basement

Boom-boom-boom, no furnace

The sounds are made with

Dooo-dooo-dooo, the burner

My brother hangs in his

Room-room-room, makes certain

That John McClane knows he's never to old to be afraid

So the tide continued to shift back-and-forth

With the trade of wisecracks & excessive force

A Lieutenant's one liners, a trout sniffer's retort

But neither'd give up, both were thirsty for more

Like the Polka King of the Midwest

Kids get left in funeral parlors

Light 'em up like my cigarettes

'Cause Nothing Lasts Forever

Besides the ice up in my veins

See I ain't yanking ya chain

When I say that I'll put the iron to your face

You probably think because you're older than me

You'll have the advantage

I don't even have a gun permit

I still wet bandits

Step up and get nailed

I'll bring the cans out

You'll get hot metal as soon as you reach ya hands out

Yippee-ki-ya mother forgot ya more than once

And your siblings ain't even sense that you was gone

Like hiding a buzz

You're such a disease

If aftershave made you scream

You're done

So call me, Peter McCallister, the father

That's right, made you my son

So now you wanna be a father

I wish ya daughter knew

Wait, didn't the dad from Good Times wipe the floor with you? (Dyn-o-mite!)

Couldn't fix ya Family Matters with Carl Winslow

Can't throw all ya problems out of thirty-story windows

It's all talk boy, you're a nuisance

What are micro machines to feet that have walked through broken glass shoeless? Useless

Not a Tiger but like Ellis you must be using

Clueless like Argyle bumping Stevie's music on a loop,

Parked in the bottom of the garage of the plaza

With the Bear that I bought for my daughter

Now I have a machine gun

Ho-Ho-Ho, no Santa

More like angel with a filthy

Soul-oul-oul, & plans to

Put you & Marley in a

Hole-Hole-Hole, your traps are

Corny, absurd, like the pigeon lady it's for the birds

As smoke in the theatre of war would soon clear

A definitive victor would surely appear

But the burden is yours to judge who won this fight

So Merry Christmas ya filthy animals

Happy trails and good night