Trauma

Trauma - Rustage

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If you're a younger fan than I suggest you skip this track I've danced around the subject, but I've never been this blunt in rap I'm kind of scared of sharing, but it's something that I need to make A tale of my trauma and a tale of my mistakes When it all started I was at a party been touched by a man that I didn't know I was a kid and then nobody liked me, so I was surprised after every stroke Didn't resist and then after I felt kinda nice it was fine I was like "This is easy I don't need a woman, I might just continue and give this a go" So next I'm online and I'm strolling through craigslist I was too young so I lied 'bout my age it's Clеar I was desperate was fuеled by self hatred Next I was trading these photos I'm naked Next thing I'm talking in ways that I shouldn't be They say that they want to meet up and then I agree Thought I was smart at the peak of maturity Fuck was I not, I was stupid, I couldn't see I entered his house it was okay Just gonna touch and then go away I take off my clothes, and he's locking the door, and I'm starting to panic, like, "No way" The force of his grab pushed me back as he slammed down my body I couldn't leave I couldn't leave, his weight there on top of me Head in the bed so I couldn't scream I couldn't scream Blinded by pain I remember the blood and I couldn't see I couldn't see The feeling of fear as it's driving inside and I couldn't breath I couldn't breath, I couldn't breath Thought I was dead, fuck, I couldn't leave The moment is carved in my memory And so there wasn't a day where it wouldn't bleed Felt like it went on for centuries Ripped me apart so incessantly A monster devoid of all empathy But when he finished, exhausted he fell asleep He locked every exit, but one little window I think that he maybe forgot I kept on thinking that I could've died if he didn't leave that one unlocked I was in shock I didn't want to tell anyone, I was embarrassed and lost I was a child Fuck, I was a child What else could I possibly done? I couldn't run, I couldn't sleep It kept invading my dreams It was a living hell Blocked out my sense of smell So, I could have just a moment of peace Crippled by PTSD I could be triggered by so many things But the internet made being triggered a meme Kept it inside, I just wanted to scream Tortured my mind and it just wouldn't leave Fucked up my school, fucked up my life Fucked me right up, I would not go outside Found myself wishing I could just be normal No breaking down crying in bed every night Bed every night, bed every night Found myself crying in bed every night I was a child Fuck, I was a child I was so scared that I wouldn't survive Wouldn't survive, wouldn't survive Stood in the tracks I was ready to die Ready to let it all end I was done being tortured by this kind of life