Coda ft. Nena Hayes, John Alvarado & Buz Lyrics

Speak myself into existence

Misunderstood but y'all would never ask me anyway

Illusive choices, raspy voices (Raspy voices)

Where do we go from here? (Go from here)

Echoes inside my mind

Back where we started

From Lazarus to Icarus, I've been in rush for lights

Never mattered if they burned my hands, or if the time was right

All I wanted was to make my father proud enough to cry for once

Or make my mama feel something that wasn't "tired"

No matter what the progress, I always feel I'll lose it

Back to the beginning, still begging for my truth

Still begging for a reason, still begging for believing

Don't let 'em see my suit, don't let 'em see my suit

Oh, out of everything I needed from her

Mama stays in bed just cause it's easier

Love me from a distance cause she bleeding, borderline anemic

Don't let her see my suit when I'm six feet deeper

I'm sleepy

I'm gonna lay my head down, I'm sleepy

(Speak myself into existence)

You ever watched your mother bargain with God for you?

Ask them for favor and help with beating the odds?

Watch your sister barter for your soul and you can't respond?

Or watch your brother snatch the family crest away from his arm?

Don't say that I ain't tried it all

I prayed myself to pieces

Pride in place of pity

Was cursing Jesus last weekend

Much as a savior is needed

I never believed in being a charity case

For clarity's sake, I needed some reasons

I know that it hurts to observe

It ain't worth the concern, you refer every word

All the pocket watchers glad I'm returning to dirt

I ain't felt it this hard

I just know I'm tired, all I know is I'm scarred

I'm sick of the repetition, I hate that I need permission

For feeling like my time here is worthy of price of admission

I aim for heaven's gates and pray that I can see redemption

Hope I can learn forgiveness

(Before it all falls down on me)

Don't let 'em see my suit It's not ready it's not ready

(Hide me from the world)

Don't let 'em see my suit It's not ready it's not ready

I'm still cutting cloth, look at what I'm made of

Everything I gave up, everything I saw

I don't wanna put it on

What if I can't take it off?

Please don't judge me

Enough of the crooked rulings

The magistrate dancing around my fate with nobody moving, no music

Who am I, and why should I have to prove it?

Look at everything I give in a world full of takers and users

Save grace, my younger face, days past innocence that didn't last

Been telling you a story through mirrors and glasses

Look in my own eyes, tell me to fight back

Now I'm picking out the color scheme and now I'm sketching out the mask

Be patient with me, know I'm still learning imperfect

You take me now and I can't finish my soul-search

I gotta follow what my heart says

Steady pulling back the curtain of perception, so killing me defeats the whole purpose

The ending of the chapter where I claim I understand

Standing in my own shadow, man's plan or God's dance?

If you shoot me now I'll never find the motherfucking answer

But the chances that I'm taking just by breathing is a gamble

Am I a trained leech or just the latest face to breech?

I'd speak to God but any help I'm too conceited to beseech

Succor's for suckers, but I don't have a choice my nigga, shit

I'll just run the jewels, I'll Killer Mike and El-P quick

Don't fucking matter if I kill a mic or LP mix

Now I'll do anything to get me out and help me live

My nigga, trade places, take the chain and go be rich

I done did it all don't do the same shit that I did

When I toss you this chain

We're continuing the cycle

An ouroboros diagram, a crash course in barter

I now pass the torch and pray you learn to change the hardship

No matter how far we go, we're right back where we started

What is YEBA?

Is it a vicious cycle we trap ourselves in?

Is it our rise with our arms outstretched towards the sun like Lazarus?

Is it our violent descent from the heavens like Icarus?

Is it love and adoration from our peers?

Is it the deafening silence in our absence?

The prologue at our birth?

The epilogue at our funerals?

Is it to be sated by life's splendor?

To be left starving by desires, wants, and dreams unfulfilled?

The truth?

I don't know either