We Finally Won the War on Christmas Lyrics

We've been at war with Christmas since 96

A few battles won but it was looking pretty grim

Old Man O'Reilly had us down for the count

Then he pulled out his loofa and sponged it out

Captain Hannity renewed the fight

Takes a good good soldier to battle through the night

But he didn't count on our secret weapon

A super dumb president who would do our bidding, oh yeah

We finally won the War on Christmas

Now everyone is down with the sickness

Nobody's sittin on Santa's lap

That mistletoe's a coronavirus trap

We finally won the War on Christmas

Now everyone is down with the sickness

Nobody's sittin on Santa's lap

That mistletoe's a coronavirus trap

Agent Melania was the first to give way

Did you see what she did to the white house display

Her dystopian vision for Trumpian Christmas

Was the first signal that the cracks were getting vicious

Antifa forces then took to the streets

Deploying fake ballots and a horrible disease

Til everyone voted an everyone was sick

And Christmas got cancelled it hurt like a brick oh yeah

We finally won the War on Christmas

Now everyone is down with the sickness

Nobody's sittin on Santa's lap

That mistletoe's a coronavirus trap

We finally won the War on Christmas

Now everyone is down with the sickness

Nobody's sittin on Santa's lap

That mistletoe's a coronavirus trap