2019 Lyrics

It's been a year now

And things have gotten worse

My life is played on repeat

And my existence fucking hurts

But it's clear now

It's both a blessing and a curse

Because for every little defeat

I get a big creative burst

That I waste away

Spend every day

Half baked or half asleep

I drink and smoke

Not because it's fun

But because I need

To calm myself

When I go to bed

I just wanna sleep

But it rarely works

I stay up all night

I'm scared of my dreams

I'm waking up

Feel like I'm hallucinating

Sleeping problems mental

And the pain I feel excruciating

Couldn't sleep to save my life

My meds are not rejuvenating

Voices in my head

keep my up all night communicating

My brain feels abnormal

It floats around in misty fluids

Thinking humans are nocturnal

Talking to myself like "fuck I got work tomorrow"

But the other me is like "a power nap's enough for it all"

One more night like this and I will fall to pieces

For weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks my nose been bleeding

I'm getting weaker by the minute but they won't believe it

Talking to the doctors they like "Go to sleep then"

Fucking bitches watch me bleed then

I bet within the year I'm buried six feet deep and

It's been a year now

And things have gotten worse

My life is played on repeat

And my existence fucking hurts

But it's clear now

It's both a blessing and a curse

Because for every little defeat

I get a big creative burst

That I waste away

Spend every day

Half baked or half asleep

I drink and smoke

Not because it's fun

But because I need

To calm myself

When I go to bed

I just wanna sleep

But it rarely works

I stay up all night

I'm scared of my dreams

Living in a cloudiness that won't let go

My brain feels like a paste

I'm hearing old echoes

Stumbling I'm faced it's not the Prosecco

Vodka mixed with gin

And one ice cold red bull

Roll up a blunt or two on top of that

Or should I say a spliff

With lucky strike and candle wax

That shit was whack it made sick

I'm coughing up a lung I spit

My saliva's black filled with carcinogenic toxic shit

Another night that fades away in history

But the scars are left my habits slowly killing me

If I don't get there first cuz of my misery

So many nights I've thought to pop a pill in me

So many nights I've sat and thought I'm all alone

Hoping for just anyone to call my phone

Roll up another one and take a walk alone

Wondering if I will even get back home

It's been a year now

And things have gotten worse

My life is played on repeat

And my existence fucking hurts

But it's clear now

It's both a blessing and a curse

Because for every little defeat

I get a big creative burst

That I waste away

Spend every day

Half baked or half asleep

I drink and smoke

Not because it's fun

But because I need

To calm myself

When I go to bed

I just wanna sleep

But it rarely works

I stay up all night

I'm scared of my dreams