I'll Never Know Lyrics

I had to spend my younger days sorting out my mom’s mistakes

Grew up faster than my skin and bones

I looked up to my father’s ghost I always had to fabricate

Surviving in my fantasy alone

All my friends were in my head

I made up fairy tales in bed

To get by I had to be my own escape

There wasn’t one good thing to say

Just kept my head below the fray

Until you’re grown up here’s the way

It’s gonna be, kid, every single day

Every single day

Every single day

Is there any hope I’m wanted

Really no surprise I’m haunted by

Not ever having someone just to show me how to shave

Or even how to treat someone I love

It’s something I’m terrified of

I wish I had another shot at

Talking to my dad again

It tears me up to read this back

But how the fuck could white and black

Convey all of the colors that my body showed off years ago

And maybe I said I’d forgive

But I’m still here with heaving ribs

My nights are filled with “but what if”s

And figuring out how to live

My life

How to live my life

How to live my life

As I navigate relationships

I validate through strangers lips

I’m left here wondering what I’m supposed to do

I’m backfilling my childhood days

With every single breath of praise

And accolades that should have come from you

And please don’t think I’d sell you out

We do our best with where and how

We’re dropped into this world

But I just wish I would have known

I’d be clenching my fists around the throats

Of demons that didn’t know existed

Until I wrote these words

I wish you’d taught me how to cope

But I

Can’t go back

And I

Can’t relax

Until I know

But I guess I’ll never know

I’ll learn this on my own

Just like I did before

When I was alone