My Future Eulogy Lyrics

I've been self-medicating with self diagnosis

After years of healing, all I have to show is

I'm a little less on the edge than I used to be

But I don't think I'll ever find peace

I've always found self-sustaining to be intoxicating

Because it means I won't need anybody else

When they all try to blame me or say that I'm faking

Or even worse, they leave me on a shelf

Because how am I supposed to be myself

When everything I do looks like a cry for help

I've been stuck at an age that somebody else made a mistake

But I don't think I still have an excuse

For why I can't behave when there's no one left to blame

And I'd still rather die than tell someone the truth

Because how am I supposed to act my age

When aging gracefully has never been my strength

And it's not complacency that's making me feel like

I'm the only one fit to write my future eulogy

But nobody else knows enough of my good qualities

And I've kept it that way

It was easier for me to intimidate than let anyone know I was slightly afraid

But now I've learned my lesson, succumbed to depression

But can I earn redemption having unanswered questions

Like how many ways can I disguise my shame

How many more times will I crave fifteen minutes of fame

Why does everyone I owe have such expensive taste

And why'd I blame myself because she didn't stay