Not Your Fault Lyrics

I never thought there'd come a day that I would write this

I mean, how the f**k do you describe it

My uncle hung himself and my cousin had to find him

The neighbour cut him down whilst my cousin's f**king crying

He's screaming, Jodie hurry up, come to mine

Quick my dad's hung himself, I don't think he'll survive this

She's beating on his chest trying to revive him

There's tears in her eyes but she has to hide them

Jaden's blaming himself, blaming his girl

Blaming his brother, blaming his mother, blaming the world

Jodie rings my mother saying Tracy David's dying

My mother rushes up still praying he's alive then

As she gets there, Jaden's crying in the street

Police are trying to stop him but he's blinded by his grief

And while Jaden screams, his brother shows up

The shock, horror of it all, has silence his speech

And he says, I FaceTimed him before

And before he knew it, he curled up on the floor

My mum embraced him as the tears begin to pour

He screams out, Dad, I could have done more

Shania's hair's wet, the baby's getting cold

Jodie's full of sweat, trying to save David's soul

My mother steps up and takes the baby's home

And promises them both she can change the baby's clothes

And all the while, Kelly's yet to find out

She's gone to town to enjoy her night out

My cousin Ben had to go and drive down

Cos her phone's switched off, oh Kelly, why now

As he pulls up, the truth speaks through his eyes

I'm sorry, Kelly, David has committed suicide

She tried to hold her tears as he seeped through her eyes

My cousin holds her up as she screams to the sky

And she says, oh, it's all my fault

Oh, it's all my fault

Oh, it's all my fault

Oh, it's all my fault

The paramedics take his body to the hospice

They all follow, disbelieving that they've lost him

Jaden's in denial believing they can stop this

All the while, Morgan knows they can't stop this

They place his body up on ICU

Fed him with adrenaline through an IV tube

Trying to get his brain to work, but the nurse has confirmed

That the worst outcome is more than likely true

Jaden cries out, there's no way, that's my dad

And don't tell me there ain't no way back from that

The pain in his voice echoes through the whole ward

Kelly's so saddened by the shock of it all

She can't speak, but the eyes never lie

Jodie, like a daughter, hasn't left her side

They're in the waiting room, only three at a time

Can see David's body while the rest were outside

So three go in, and three go out

Saying the same old thing, with the same old doubts

That's not my dad, that's not my man, that's not my lad

Please, dad, come back and wake up

But David's hypoxic, there's no life in his eyes

Nothing, there's no sign he's alive

Nothing, there's no sign he'll survive

Nothing

I was at home when I got the phone call

And I knew when I heard the sound of my mother's voice

It was bad news, I knew that what she would say

Would stick with me for life like a tattoo

Son, I have some bad news

It breaks my heart that I have to tell you

That Uncle David has hung himself

And your cousin Jaden found him hanging in the f**king shed

Well, I couldn't fathom what I heard

I put the phone down and didn't say a word

Just stared at the floor, I couldn't even cry

He promised he would be there at my f**king next fight

I collapsed on the floor and looked up to the ceiling

The same way David did before he gave in to his demons

Except it's still alive, wishing I was f**king dreaming

I was thinking, God, why on earth am I f**king breathing

Cause, cause it's all my fault

Cause it's all my fault

Cause it's all my fault

Cause it's all my fault

When I got home, my mum was drinking again

I could tell she only had a drink to suppress all the things in her head

She looked so sad, there were tears in my eyes that I had to hold back

So I went to bed but didn't sleep much

The next day we didn't eat much

We arrived at the hospital trying to keep tough

But as soon as I saw Jaden, I just welled up

I kissed him on the head and said that I love you

It broke my heart not knowing what I could do

And all I could do was make them chicken wraps with their favorite sauce

Trying to put them in a good mood

And even though David's in a better place

I'd never seen true sadness till I saw Kelly's face

She couldn't even talk, Jodie was in a state

Please can you help her, I don't know what to say

And she broke down, in my arms I consoled her

And told her, soon this will all be over

And as she weep quietly on my shoulder

I said to her, Jodie, you have been a soldier

And as she cried, Morgan stormed out the ward

Face full of tears and struggling to talk

I found them outside both crying, both trying

To at least make sense of it all

Morgan held Jaden tight in his arms

Holding back his tears, trying to stay calm

They look like lost children

I swear that I'll take that pain to my grave

Till the day that my heart stops beating

There won't be a day that goes by where I will not be grieving

David, how could you leave them

And before I could feel any anger

It was my turn to see him

I walked in and I knew that it was bad

Started thinking about the last chats that we had

And the fact that those lads now don't have a dad

And Kelly has to live the rest of her life with that

Oh, there were marks on his neck

Eyes both black and scars on his head

I guess when you cut someone down

And the body hits the ground

The impact surely has an effect

Oh, f**k, I placed my hand on his head

Told him I was sorry that I didn't read his text

And didn't read the signs in the words that he said

That led to him dying on this hospital bed

David, I'm so sorry that you're dead

This day will haunt me till the day we meet again

April the 9th, I will never forget you

A love by so many, now so many regrets

So I sing to you

And I hope you find a way through the darkness

And I hope you're not alone going through this

And I hope you find your mother and your father

As they guide you to your home

These next lines are a promise to you

I promise from now on I'll be honest and true

I promise that your sons will carry on without you

And both your grandkids will feel like they're nothing to you

I promise that I'll tell them about the man that you was

How you'd always be dancing like you're the happiest one

I wish you could've told me about the sh*t on your mind

I'd rather hear you cry than to hear that you've died

And Kelly, I make a promise to you

I'll always be here when the days ain't clear

When David's voice is all you wanted to hear

And offer you a napkin when you're flooded with tears

I know you feel guilty and I know it's a lot

I know losing David is a terrible loss

Just know I love you Kelly and that is the truth

And if I ever make it, I did it for you