Both/And Lyrics

I often find myself

Thinking longer than I want

Darker than I sought

And you think that's all I do

Is ruminate, dwell, and fume

I find myself screaming at the sky oh oh oh

Tears of rage that you don't get why

I bet you wouldn't last a day in my shoes

And I know you can't understand

The pain I'm in and why I choose to face it

Too young to know it gets better

Too old to know it gets worse

And I wouldn't call it brave

Cause I'm not thankful

For the supposed strength it gave me

I just need you to believe in

In "both/and"

No I don't believe in shallow conventionality

Or the empty words of "God will save me"

My fierce defiance is overdue oh oh oh

Insisting I fight when I refuse oh oh oh

You call it cynical lying when I crack a joke

Live a life that keeps you quiet

I think I'm more human than you

And I know you can't understand

The pain I'm in and why I choose to face it

Too young to know it gets better

Too old to know it gets worse

And I wouldn't call it brave

Cause I'm not thankful

For the supposed strength it gave me

I just need you to believe in

In "both/and"

How long is too long

Before the tears scar my face

Streaking red marks by my biggest mistakes

How brave is too brave

Before it's laced with crippling strength

A choice I can no longer make

I'm curious but I'm scared of my own damn fate

And the echoing silence

Sings with triumph

From those far gone days

The humiliation at my age

When I know the letters but they won't fall into place

Relearning what should already be burned in my brain

Such as the sounds of my own damn name

And I wish you could understand

The words I live before I catch my fall

Too young to know it gets better

Too old to know it gets worse

And I know you tell yourself, "She's a broken ship about to take off"

Don't you forget that I can dance in the sun and still laugh it off

I just need you to believe in

In "both/and"