I WILL NOT MAKE AN EMPTY PROMISE Lyrics

You know, every politician has an idealistic view of who they'll be and what they'll do in Office

But, there is only one thing I can promise you

During my campaign, I will not make an empty promise

I will do everything that I say and I'm just being honest

When I get elected, you know that I'm really gone be on it

And I'm gonna do it super fast like my nickname was Sonic, so

During my campaign, I will not make an empty promise

I will do everything that I say and I'm just being honest

When I get elected, you know that I'm really gone be on it

And I'm gonna do it super fast like my nickname was Sonic, so

When I become president, you will not need to rob

Because I will give everyone in America a job

With better benefits, better work, and some better pay

Under my administration we will see some better days

West Virginia, I'm gonna reopen the coal mines

While reducing our carbon emissions at the same time

And to show you I'm compassionate, to show you that I care

I'm gonna give every American some free healthcare

While we're at it, why don't we give 'em some from free college

How are we supposed to solve dumb problems without any knowledge

'Cause this country got a lot of 'em, and boy, I sure can list 'em

But for starters, let's band together and reform the whole justice system

Because just like a wet floor with no sign, that thing's a hazard

Or like vaping nicotine at fifteen, that's a biohazard

And since I'm the first politician to care about your health

Let's dismantle together, I can't do it by myself 'cause

During my campaign, I will not make an empty promise

I will do everything that I say and I'm just being honest

When I get elected, you know that I'm really gone be on it

And I'm gonna do it super fast like my nickname was Sonic, so

During my campaign, I will not make an empty promise

I will do everything that I say and I'm just being honest

When I get elected, you know that I'm really gone be on it

And I'm gonna do it super fast like my nickname was Sonic, so

I've said it once and I'll say it until my dying day

I'm gonna finally shut down Guantanamo Bay

'Cause honestly, America has way too much beef with Cuba

So I'm gonna move it somewhere nicer, like maybe Aruba!

But if you think we're paying for it, you must be smoking crack

'Cause I'm repealing the sixteenth amendment, it is not coming back

It's morally wrong to tax your income and whole way of life

You should be saving that money for you and your lovely wife

Speaking of which, it's time to pay women to have more kids

How will I get the money? I'll just tax the hell out of Libs

Who say "Children are a burden to me and the environment"

But tell me, who will take care of you after your retirement?

All of America will soon become short-staffed

All because selfish fucking women couldn't handle the shaft

"You're only pro-birth, not pro-life" Hold up, not so fast

Didn't anybody tell you I'm also ending the draft? 'cause

During my campaign, I will not make an empty promise

I will do everything that I say and I'm just being honest

When I get elected, you know that I'm really gone be on it

And I'm gonna do it super fast like my nickname was Sonic, so

During my campaign, I will not make an empty promise

I will do everything that I say and I'm just being honest

When I get elected, you know that I'm really gone be on it

And I'm gonna do it super fast like my nickname was Sonic, so

I know I'll get worldwide hate just like I'm Pitbull

But I'm gonna personally euthanize every Pitbull

In America, and I don't care if they're your pet

'Cuz it's quite possibly the most dangerous dog you can get

Go ahead and get yourself a pug, a retriever or beagle

And while I'm at it, why shouldn't I just make fentanyl legal?

In the land where all you need is paper to get a Desert Eagle

You should be able to OD while driving a Buick Regal

You know who's the most oppressed group in these United States?

Drunk drivers, you know it's sad when really all it takes

Is a couple beers and driving through a couple school zones

For them to get arrested and never again see their home

So for all my fellow booze cruisers, I'll bring you a glimmer of hope

I'm repealing school zones and D.U.Is, and this ain't a joke

And for all the forty year old virgin men, relief is coming soon

'Cuz under my administration, you'll be given free poon

During my campaign, I will not make an empty promise

I will do everything that I say and I'm just being honest

When I get elected, you know that I'm really gone be on it

And I'm gonna do it super fast like my nickname was Sonic, so

During my campaign, I will not make an empty promise

I will do everything that I say and I'm just being honest

When I get elected, you know that I'm really gone be on it

And I'm gonna do it super fast like my nickname was Sonic, so

Mister Fawcette, you said you want to legalize fentanyl, make pussy mandatory, and Euthanize every pitbull in America? Why? Do you stand by that?

One hundred percent, without a doubt, wholeheartedly and with the utmost assurance, I Promise you I'll be able to deliver these promises to the American people

Do you think you can truly deliver on that promise?