Beer In My Hand Lyrics

I walked in the bar about a quarter past 8

I'd been warmin' up at home so I'm feelin' real great

So I belly up look to my left and right

And I'm feelin' real somber, not a smile in sight

So I glide to the jukebox and pick out a song

And wait for just the right girl to come along

Then I ask, "excuse me ma'am would you like to dance?"

'Cus Imma whole lotta fun when there's a beer in my hand

With a beer in my hand, I dance like Dick Van Dyke

And Imma real smooth talker, real James Bond-like

And I might tell you a joke that really splits your sides

And I just might convince ya to let me take ya home tonight

I woke in the mornin' in a bed that ain't mine

I left with a honey who was lookin' real fine

So I head to the kitchen to see my latest lover

But all I finds a woman... that must be her mother

She turned around and poured me a cup of joe

She was built like a lineman, I'm wonderin' where her daughter'd go

Then she said, "I'd never been with such a handsome man"

I guess my vision's a little blurry when there's beer in my hand

With a beer in my hand, I shouldn't trust my eyes

In my wallet, I see hundreds, when I got a couple fives

And I might find me a lady to have much appeal

But my eyes do conceal, she looks like Shaquille O'neal

Well I left her place with a little broken pride

But after all, she made me breakfast, so I kissed her goodbye

Now I'm out to clean the slate and have a little fun

And I ran into a gal that I knew from grade one

You know I had a crush so I tried to play it cool

I took her to a dive bar and we shot a little pool

Then I said, "I miss you, Rachel," but her name was Diane

I got a real bad memory when there's a beer in my hand

With a beer in my hand, I forget silly stuff

Like paying up my bar tab, and that I'm really not too tough

And I might make some decisions that really ain't the best

Like gettin' a drunk tattoo drawn right across my chest

But with a beer in my hand, I dance like Dick Van Dyke

And I'm a real smooth talker, real James Bond-like

And I might be bound to make myself some lifelong friends

'Cus Imma whole lotta fun when there's a beer in my hand