my lows Lyrics

Yesterday

All my trouble seemed so far away

Now it looks as though they're here to stay

I believe in yesterday

Waking up I check my phone right now it's one PM

I slept through the morning and missed my appointment again

My bones are achy I can barely get out of my bed

Rather than brushing my teeth I just look at Twitter instead

45 minutes go by I ain't left my room

Feel like I'm just wasting my time and watching YouTube

People yell at me from all sides saying what to do

It's get a job or go outside that's the only route

Man I can't even see my friends no mo'

Cause they all left so when I need a hand I'm just solo

Drifting apart not how we used to be in old photos

Now they making group chats without me cause lately I'm no show

Finally get out of my room and head down the stairs

Thinking how the past couple weeks been going nowhere

Sit at the TV planning a day of more binging

But first I need some breakfast typically two oranges

I'm eating breakfast at three

Wondering why I can't do something and what's happening to me

No motivation to make it so now I'm not on the mic

Which got me stressing is this what depression really feels like

Feel like I need to get out

But at the same time my brain tells me that I can't leave the house

I usually know but nowadays I don't know what life's about

I check my phone and realize I spent the whole day on the couch, damn

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Making my life shorter

Belong in a psych ward or

Something of that type horror

What I describe the past few months

Before then I had never even done therapy once

Now it's daily

I do my CBT and continue how it's been lately

But I stop dead in my tracks and rub both nails all in a circular motion

The notion being if I don't something'll happen that crazy

Will it

Bro I don't know maybe

God why is this how you made me

Have I not been through enough lately

The worst episode I had was this year March tenth

The signs were there but I was never diagnosed till then

They told me write down every ritual until day's end

Started the day I didn't know if I had the strength

At first I didn't think too much

But I went through the whole day not letting my fingers touch

Thought that if I did it on one hand I'd do it on the other

In the same specific way and if I didn't I'd be smothered

With a big wave of anxiety so I'd have to stop

Do the ritual exactly right that's how my brain thought

Then I'd have to write it down to keep track of what I'd done

At the end I think the total sum was 551

Had like 50 different rituals I did in the day

My girlfriend even took me out to eat at my favorite place

And I enjoyed the time we spent and it was such a nice gesture

But that day I don't think anything would've made me feel better

I got home stared at my Yale shirt for 10 minutes

With anxiety thinking why I'm different

The entire day I'd been waiting to go to sleep

Cause sleep was the only time that I could feel at peace

I said

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