Plane Pain Lyrics

Cold and grey

For the early flight today

Online check-in was down

So now I'm here

To queue for years

Get my boarding pass

Then it's off to screening

Liquids in the bag

All the babies screaming

Contents in the tray

The detector beeping

Repack all your things

That familiar feeling

Walk through duty free

See what's on display

If you want some food

There are fifty shades of beige

Building rage

As I try to find my gate

Quelle surprise

The departure's now delayed

Peak dismay

Stepping on the plane

From the tarmac freezing

All the Brits abroad

On a booze cruise steaming

Passengers on board

But we're still not leaving

Missed our take off slot

Now I'm really seething

Got the middle seat

Sometimes life's not fair

Someone stop this child

From kicking on my chair

Toilet's out of order

I wouldn't go in there

Gonna have to drink

'Til I don't care

Bloody Mary please

'Cause it's five o'clock somewhere

Here in the air

Seven miles high

The recycled A/C

Packed in like sardines

For the foil-wrapped horse meat

Elbow in the ribs

From the snoring deadbeat

Think I'd sell my kidney

For business class relief

Counting down the hours

Of this dismal journey

Madness kicking in

Watching mindless movies

Seatbelt light goes on

As we touch down smoothly

All the people clap

Like a bunch of turkeys

I should have stayed at home in bed

Or got a caravan instead